We are used to thinking that men are tuned exclusively on physical intimacy and do not dream of romantic relationships, and women accept sex as inevitable evil, without which it is impossible to live in pairs. But is it? Isn’t it time to abandon the stereotype and look at love and passion as a part of the whole?

“All of them are only one and it is necessary!”Grandmothers grumbled, supplying us with the necessary knowledge before the first date. “You are more careful with her: God forbid, he will fall in love!” – the fathers instructed the sons when they first stayed at night at the friends. Love and sex were not only opposed to each other, but also considered dangerous obstacles to what men and women want.

But where did the thought come from that the floor affects our desires? “This stereotype is a collective image of our ideas about Gender, that is, about“ female ”and“ male ”behavior. Gender, unlike the concept of “Paul”, does not describe the physiology: this is a social construct that reflects a public agreement on some issue, ”explains Maria Shelkova psychologist Maria Shelkova.

Any social construct is a product of a particular culture, and it exists solely because members of society agree to live according to certain rules.

Thus, once we “divided the whole variety of human features and manifestations into two camps,” says the sexologist. Strength, assertiveness, confidence have traditionally been attributed to men, and concession, tenderness, shyness to women. And for many centuries, the first were considered initiators in relations, and the second was assigned the role of a passive side.

“But in reality, we are not confirmed by the fact that men are masculine, and women are exclusively feminine,” says Maria Shelkova.

Love and intercourse are parts of complex sexual behavior with which we establish and strengthen the connection with another

Today, sex carries less risks for women than in the days of our grandmothers: the development of sexology and the spread of knowledge about the intimate side of life have played a role. We can not only prevent pregnancy, but also raise children on our own. And men are increasingly allowing themselves to show tenderness and affection, and this is rather welcome than condemned.

“Studies devoted to sexual behavior show that the attitude to sex among representatives of both sexes has significantly changed since the end of the twentieth century,” the psychologist says. “In European countries, there are few those who are inherent in purely masculine or purely feminine behavior”.

Most demonstrate androgyness, that is, both male and female features are approximately in the same ratio. The American androgynic researcher Sandra Bem 1 believed that femininity and masculinity are not opposite constructs, but existing independently of each other. With this in mind, Maria Shelkova offers an amendment: “It seems to me that such a wording is true: more“ masculine ”(passionate, confident) men and women often want sex, and more“ feminine ”(soft, compliant) men and women more often dream of love”.

And what our desires say about us if they coincide with those that are mentioned in the common phrase?

“When we say that we want exclusively sex, this is hardly installation for life. This happens when we just broke up with our beloved or focused on an important business – career, self -realization. Although there may be a fear of attachment, ”explains Maria Shelkova. “And if we say that love is more important that you can do without sex in a romantic relationship, we are likely to deceive ourselves”.

Love and intercourse are parts of complex sexual behavior with

which we establish and strengthen the connection with another. We do not need to choose one thing, because feelings and actions can be harmoniously combined.

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